


Wishful Thinking

by scr3am



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Gen, It’s short I know but listen it’s cute and maybe just a little sad, Lost in thought Remus, Pining Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:35:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28159146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scr3am/pseuds/scr3am
Summary: Remus Lupin, James Potter’s best friend. James Potter, the boy who is in love with a beautiful girl named Lily Evans. Remus, however, has feelings for James.In which Remus reflects on his feelings for James.I’ve had this idea in my head for like three years now and I’ve finally decided to write it.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/James Potter
Kudos: 26





	Wishful Thinking

James Potter didn’t know it but his hair glinted a golden hue in the sunlight. It framed his face and sparkled with every swish. When he ran his fingers through it, the gold seemed to catch on his fingers though only for a second and it was never there when he took his hand away. 

And when he laughed, Remus swore it was like a melody. James’ hazel eyes often sparkled in the light, it didn’t matter which light, though Remus’ favorite was the firelight from the common room. Though those eyes never seemed to be looking at him the way they did Lily.

Remus didn’t hate Lily, he could never hate such a kind girl but all he wished was to be noticed by James, to be able to feel what it was like to be asked out by him everyday and be obsessed over. He wished that James had loved him not in the way that he loved him, Sirius, and Peter, but in the way that he loved Lily. Remus would never do anything to get James to stop loving Lily but sometimes he would lie in bed and think about what it would feel like to hold James’ hand or kiss his lips or be held by him.

He wondered how they would act. Would James act the same as he did now? Or would he be sweeter? More affectionate? Would James leave him little notes on his desk once a week like he did Lily? Would Remus leave one back? 

Remus told himself that he shouldn’t be thinking this, that this was his best friend but as he stared at James, his heart hurt to see that James was trying to catch the attention of one Lily Evans. How could James not like her? She was beautiful, strong, and oh so very smart. But Remus was all of those too, but James never even gave him a glance in the way he did her.

Often him and James would be alone in the dorm together, goofing off or studying and Remus, on those countless of times, debated on whether he should say something to him. Something in the sense of how he felt toward James without actually letting the words “I like you” slip past his lips. He thought maybe he could be subtle if he tried hard enough but he knew that James would never pick up on it.

No one knew that he had these feelings for James and he didn’t plan on telling anyone. The word ‘homosexual’ wasn’t really a thing that people were just okay with. Even if the correct term for Remus was ‘Bisexual’, most people would call him a ‘Homosexual’ instead. He doubted Sirius would care and possibly even James and Peter would accept him as well. But it was terrifying, it was terrifying because what if they had let it slip? It was almost worse, in Remus’ opinion, to be known as a homosexual than to be known as a werewolf. And what was he supposed to say? 

_ “I like men and women,” _ Remus would start out.

_ “Really? That’s cool. How do you know?”  _ Sirius would say.

_ “Well, I’ve had feelings for girls in the past and now I’ve got feelings for Prongs.” _

It just didn’t seem plausible in his mind to even say such a thing to Sirius, even if he was probably the most accepting out of the group. Peter would be no different though he believed that maybe Peter might tell James and then the whole thing would turn into a mess. 

Remus set his book down and folded his hands on his lap. He leaned back into the tree trunk and watched as James made a fool of himself for the hundredth time that day. They were sitting out by the lake and Sirius and Peter had decided to roll their pants up to their knees and dip their legs into the water. Remus was alone reading his book and James was a few feet in front of him, trying out a few spells that they had just learned that day, at some point he had stopped trying to catch Lily’s attention.

Remus watched as the magic flew from his wand and James fell backwards, landing with a soft “oof”. Remus smiled and James turned around in time to see it. He stuck his tongue out at Remus and Remus gave a barely audible laugh. 

“Don’t laugh at me Moony, it's incredibly rude,” James said and he got up and went to sit by Remus.

“How could I not laugh at a twit?” Remus asked and picked up his book.

It was not even a second later when James snatched it out of his hands and Remus was left with holding air. Remus huffed and looked at James, silently asking for him to give it back but either James didn’t understand or James didn’t care.

James held it up and close to his face and Remus held back another smile when he saw that the book was upside down. James pulled it away from his face and cocked his head, his eyes squinting in the process. Then, like a little light bulb had gone off in his head, Remus saw as James’ face lit up and he held the book correctly.

“Is this a muggle book? I’m sure I’ve heard of it in muggle studies before,” James asked.

“Yes, it’s a classic,” Remus said. 

“Of course it is,” James said as he handed the book back to Remus. “You only read classics.”

“You only see me reading classics,” Remus corrected him and set the book down on his lap.

Remus watched as James took his glasses off and cleaned them with his shirt. Remus, wanting to get back at James, took the glasses out of James’ hands and he heard James whine as a protest. Remus put them on and faced James.

“How do I look?” Remus joked and James rolled his eyes.

“Like the handsomest bloke I’ve ever seen before, Moony,” James said, sarcasm heavy in his voice and he took the glasses back from Remus.

Remus gave a small smile and leaned his head back on the tree trunk. He closed his eyes and let out a silent sigh. It was a nice thing for James to say and even though Remus knew he was joking, he wished he wasn’t.

Remus once again opened his eyes when he felt James’ fingers in his hair. Remus looked at James and furrowed his eyebrows at him and James gave him a smile.

“Your hair is just so fluffy,” James said. “It would be a shame to not run my fingers through it.”

“You’re so odd, you know that, Prongs?” Remus said and James laughed.

“You remind me every day,” James said.

And maybe it was okay that James loved Lily and not him, because at least Remus got this wonderful friendship with James where they could spend moments like this. Moments where when they’re fifty, they could reflect back on them over a cup of coffee. These were the moments that Remus cherished and would cherish until the day he died, just as he would cherish James until the day he died.


End file.
